Whether the relationship lasted three weeks or three years, breakups can leave us feeling heartbroken, lost and even physically ill.
While there’s no magic formula to do away with the pain of a split, having healthy coping mechanisms in place is essential to getting over your ex and moving on with strength and grace.
Ending a relationship has very real effects on the mind and body: A 2010 Northwestern study found that breakups cloud our sense of self — and the more serious things were with your ex, the more of an identity crisis you’re likely to experience.
Treating yourself well during the post-breakup period — whether you initiated the split or were on the receiving end — is a must.
While it’s true that time heals all emotional wounds, you can speed up the process of moving on by taking control of your health and well-being.
There’s literally no better time to rebrand yourself than after a breakup. Sure, it sucks, and you definitely have to take the time to mourn the relationship—you are losing someone who was consistently in your life. But you don’t have to continue to dwell on the breakup when your best self is waiting.
Here’s a list of the most practical, beneficial ways you can fully get over that heartbreak—and we promise, you’ll come out better than before. What, like it’s hard?
Write Or Talk It Out
Although suppressing unpleasant feelings is a natural impulse, avoiding your emotions will ultimately prevent you from moving past them.
There are so many emotions involved in a breakup — anger, sadness, loneliness, feelings of rejection and uncertainty about the future — and it’s essential to confront them head-on.
Particularly in the early stages of a breakup, try let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. Writing out your thoughts in a journal, having a good cry, or talking to a therapist can help you process and gain the clarity you need to see why the relationship didn’t work — and why you’ll be better off without your former partner.
Take Care Of Your Body
Going on a “breakup diet” may sound like a good idea — we often think of looking our best as a way to get revenge on an ex — but it can easily become a way to punish yourself, reinforcing feelings of rejection.
Instead of restricting calories, eat nourishing whole foods that are high in fiber, protein, and nutrients to boost your mood and energy. A balanced diet with plenty of fresh fruits, greens, and stress-busting superfoods can help counteract the physiological stress of the breakup.
Another important thing is to avoid mindless eating and try not to turn food as a coping mechanism. Don’t worry about indulging a little, but try not to keep too much junk food around, as foods that are high in fat, sugar, and salt can actually contribute to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol
Getting your endorphins pumping through cardio exercise is often prescribed as a way to get over a breakup, and for good reason: Going for a run or hitting the elliptical can lower your stress levels, improve cognitive functioning and boost your mood — in addition to providing a healthy distraction from your worries.
Even if exercising is the last thing you want to do, the act of simply getting out of your head and focusing your awareness on your body can be helpful.
After a breakup, we tend to want to sit and cuddle and huddle and cry, and talk to our girlfriends and feel bad about ourselves, So getting out and moving is really essential because it’s almost the opposite of what we feel like doing, which is shutting down and feeling sorry for ourselves.
But be wary of over-exercising: Like over-eating or excessively dieting, exercise can become a compulsive behavior. Get active in a way that you enjoy and that doesn’t feel like a punishment, whether it’s early-morning jogs in the park, zumba or hot yoga — all the better when accompanied by friends.
Remind Yourself Of All The Great Things In Your Life
It’s so easy to see the loss as everything, and then it starts overwhelming the good in all of your life.
Painful breakups can cloud your thinking so that it’s almost impossible to look beyond the immediate feelings of pain and loss.
You may have trouble remembering all the things you appreciate because you’re so focused on the negative. Practicing gratitude can help to even out your moods and get you to get back into a more positive headspace. Studies have shown that listing things you’re thankful for can boost your well-being and brighten your outlook on life.
You may initially have to force yourself to think of things you’re grateful for, but as you repeat the process, the bad won’t feel so all-consuming anymore.
Do Things YOU Love.
After a bad breakup, it’s hard to get excited about the things you loved pre-split — but the only way to start enjoying yourself again is to force yourself to get out and do them anyway.
Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good, whether it’s a cup of coffee with a friend or a massage. Self-care is essential to the healing process, and doing things that make you smile can help you heal. Laughter helps us speed up healing, both emotionally and physically
Try An ‘Obsession Diet.’
Obsessing is a natural reaction to the end of a relationship — but only for so long. Most of us have had to deal with a friend who can’t talk about anything but her ex for months after the breakup, and it’s not pretty.
You don’t want to get to the point where your BFFs have to stage a friend-intervention to get you off the couch and out into the single world. To push yourself past the “constant agonizing” stage,
For five minutes per hour, you can obsess, write and indulge in self-pity all you want.
But when the timer goes off — enough You have to wait for the next hour.
The next day, reduce the time to four minutes, then three minutes, and so on. It’s giving yourself permission. If you’re trying to break the habit of thinking about your partner, giving yourself five minutes a day helps you to realize that you can control your thinking. It’s a way to channel the urge and also feel a sense of control.
Performing acts of kindness towards others has been shown to improve well-being and help relieve depression. Giving back can be a powerful way to “rechannel the love,”
Do something where you are helping others, because that gives you a sense of empowerment and it also opens your heart(source)
Buy yourself a big bouquet of pink roses.
Put them in a vase, water them, and wait for them to wilt. When it’s time to throw them out, check in with your feelings. Guess what? By the time those roses die, you’ll already feel better.
Then, keep buying yourself roses. Visit a rage room. It’s…a legit thing. Get out all your anger and smash objects to your heart’s content.
Go on that vacation
even if it’s by yourself. Getting away to an exotic location or somewhere peaceful is a potent source of distraction
What’s better than lounging beachside with a good book, frozen drank, and the ocean waves? Talk about self-care.
Rearrange your home
Get rid of all those bad memories.
A new look creates space for new memories. Out with the old, inviting the new
Don’t shit-talk your ex too much.
Sure, it feels good to trash-talk your ex with your besties, and hearing that you were better than them from the start feels like a drug, but don’t rely on it.
Hearing your friends bring down someone who made you feel shitty feels like it should be justified in the grand karmic scheme of things, but your health and happiness need not be contingent on someone else’s pain and suffering.
Don’t immediately suggest to stay friends
if they do, tell them you need to think about it. This is an impulse because you don’t want to seem like you care too much about the breakup.
Because you’re so chill. You’re so chill that your heart isn’t beating, you’re dead. But truthfully, during this stilted, awkward breaking-up period, it’s hard to tell whether you’ll be able to be friends.
Generally, one person wants to be friends and the other wants to be more. Gotta work that shit out before it can be a healthy friendship…if it ever can be. You’re not admitting defeat by not staying friends with them.
Spend a lot of time outside.
It’s a cliché, but fresh air really does clear your head. So does, you know, seeing the sun every once in a while.
Take at least two hours from each day just to leave your Cave of Forgotten Dreams and interact with The Outside
Know it’s okay to rely on your friends
Breakups can make even the strongest people feel like they’re worthless or not good enough. Hang out with people who appreciate you and remind you of what a good person you are.
This is when having a strong support network is essential because friends can show you that you still matter and that you still belong. When your self-esteem is at an all-time low, these are the people who can help empower you while you work on defining your own self-worth.
If you start dating someone else, take it really slow.
Dude. You just ended a relationship and your heart flipped over and exploded like a tanker.
If you take it step-by-step and enjoy it as a casual thing for a while, that’ll give you some time to evaluate whether you’re actually ready to be with someone again or if you’re just ready to have really hot sex with them in an elevator once in a while.
Establish a bedtime routine.
When you’re going through a breakup, learning to be proud of the little things can really keep you going. And honestly, what screams “I have my shit together” more than getting enough sleep every night?
Going to bed at the same time and set your alarm for the same time every day. Avoid looking at screens (TV, computer, cell phone) for half an hour before bed. Not only does the light from screens keep you awake, but how many times has some unexpected drama on the timeline or an innocent Instagram scroll accidentally spiraled into a two-hour deep-dive of their life?
Don’t scheme to get them back,
Scheme to get yourself back. Get some solid book recs, join a pickup sports game, go on a trip somewhere with a girlfriend. Paint your bathroom—I don’t care. Just do something for yourself.
The details on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or Instagram. Or Tumblr. Live ya life! Airing your grievances on social media is not good for anyone, and it’ll be embarrassing later. Who’s gonna read it, anyway?
Baths are half wallowing and half cleansing/pampering and thus are perfect for breakups.
When’s the last time you really filled up your tub and had a good soak. Showers are not for the recently dumped.
Stop blaming yourself and thinking things like
If only I had watched more Bourne movies/had dyed my hair blonde/had given more rim jobs/were cooler. It takes two to break up—the problem wasn’t just you, it was you two as a couple.
It’s almost reverse-narcissistic to blame yourself that much! If you try to look at the relationship from the outside, maybe you’ll have an easier time seeing how you both contributed to the breakup. (source)
Do not under any circumstances do the following:
Have break-up sex
Remember that you broke up for a reason and that you don’t have sex with people you’re trying to get over.
This is especially important if you’re a woman, since, during sex, a hormone called oxytocin (or the dreaded “cuddle hormone”) is released in the female body; this is lethal for getting over someone as it makes you trust your partner more, lowers your defenses, increases levels of empathy and it puts you at risk for falling right back in love.
Talk shit about your ex to their family or friends.
If your ex comes up in conversation when you’re not yet over them, keep it short and sweet to avoid sliding into that dark space.
Although you might think you’re tainting that person’s ideas about your ex-flame by talking shit, you’re really tainting their view of you.
Bitterness is not a cute look on anybody, and talking about your ex negatively never has the outcome you want it to.
Move on too quickly.
So you’ve just broken up and are in a fragile place. You are desperate to feel wanted by anybody. Suddenly, you’re chatting it up with some hottie on Tinder.
It’s unfair to drag another person into your mess with the lone goal of not being alone and keep them around for the off chance that your ex will see you out with someone new.
Everyone will know your relationship is just for show and it will end, leaving you in a worse place than you were before since you didn’t let yourself heal properly.
Try to “fake it ’til you make it”
This is otherwise known as the “tough guy approach,” letting everyone think you’re fine by burying your feelings deep inside you until they rot your core and make you an un-dateable monster.
Yeah, don’t do that. If you don’t address your prior relationship’s end in a healthy way, you can’t learn how to love yourself and are setting yourself up for failure in future relationships.
Abuse drugs and/or alcohol.
Alcohol is a depressant and drugs are a mess.
Unfortunately, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is just a movie, and technology hasn’t yet found a way of making us forget about our exes and relationships completely.
Just remember that you’re loved and important to the world, so be kind to yourself. Time heals all wounds and breakups are no exception to this rule. Even though the future may look bleak, eventually you will get back to being happy. (source)
For more articles click below: