Recently we’ve all tossed around the word “narcissist” to describe a self-absorbed person, especially when it comes to relationships of all kinds—romantic, familial, workplace, even friendships and many other places.
Narcissists are efficient manipulators in the work they do either it can be professional or personal.
Maybe it’s an ex who constantly put his own needs and desires above yours, or maybe it’s a boss who continually cuts you off in meetings and takes credit for your accomplishments.
Research suggests that anywhere between 1 and 6 percent of the population may have this personality disorder, and about 50 to 75 percent of those are men.
Who is a Narcissist ?
Not every self-centered jerk in your life is a true narcissist. But there is a tipping point you can try to spot who are the true narcissist.
“A narcissist, by definition, is someone with a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, whose symptoms begin in early adulthood,” says Cory Newman, PhD, a professor of psychology at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania who has written on narcissistic personality disorder. “These traits can present in a number of ways.”
The signs that you are dealing with a narcissist in your life:
1. Emotional reasoning
You’ve probably made the mistake of trying to reason and use logic with the narcissist to get him to understand the painful effect his behaviors have on you.
You think that if he understands how much his behavior hurt you, he’ll change. Your explanations, however, don’t make sense to the narcissist, who only seems able to be aware of his own thoughts and feelings.
Although narcissists may say they understand, they honestly don’t.
Therefore, narcissists make most of their decisions based on how they feel about something.
2. Excessive Admiration
Though the people with narcissism often act boastful and overconfident, their self-esteem can actually be pretty fragile.
They have a tendency to be preoccupied with what people think of them and feel pretty shocked when people don’t dole out the praise.
This can be particularly true in relationships. “It’s like narcissists love you as long as you’re idolizing them,” says Newman.
“They seem lovely and wonderful and shower you with attention until you assert yourself. Then you might see a mean streak you didn’t see before. And it’s scary.”
Narcissists need always a constant attention—even following you around the house, and even ask you to find things, or constantly say something to grab your attention.
A narcissist always need for a validation is like a funnel. You pour in allot of positive, supportive words, to comfort them and help them and they just flow out the other end and are gone.
No matter how much you tell the narcissists that you love them, admire them, or approve of them, and you really mean it but they never feel it’s enough—because deep down they don’t believe anyone can love them.
Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually have a very insecure and fearful feelin of not measuring up.
3. An Inability to Communicate or Work as Part of a Team
The cooperative behaviors should require a real understanding of each other’s feelings and work together as a team.
How will the other person feel? Will this action make both of us happy? How will this affect our relationship? These are some times good questions to be kept in mind when working as team in a healthy way.
These are questions that narcissists don’t have the capacity or the motivation to think about. Don’t expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything he wants for your benefit; it’s useless
4. Lacks Empathy
Narcissists are the most notorious people for being unable to empathize with the struggles or pain of others.
“Sometimes a person with NPD can seem totally reasonable until they say something that’s just outrageously insensitive,” says Newman.
“They’d be the person that complains about how annoying their father is to someone who’s father just died.”
The people with NPD will always or often talk at length about their own troubles and believe that people genuinely care.
Narcissists have very little ability to empathize with others.
They tend to be the most selfish and the self-involved and are usually unable to understand what other people are feeling. Narcissists expect others to think and feel the same as they do and seldom give any thought to how others feel.
They are rarely apologetic, remorseful, or guilty. They feel low about themselves if they admit they are wrong so they rarely admit that they are wrong or say sorry.
Even saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you” when the narcissist is on edge and angry can backfire. He won’t believe you and may even misperceive your comment as an attack.
In addition, if your words and expressions aren’t congruent, the narcissist will likely respond erroneously. This trait lack how to interpret emotions and feelings of others.
This is also why narcissists often misinterpret others sarcasm as actual agreement or joking from others as a personal attack.
Their lack of ability to correctly read body language is one of the reason the narcissists are deficiency empathetic to your feelings.
They don’t see them, nor they don’t interpret them correctly, and overall they don’t believe you feel any differently than they do.
5. They Don’t Like to Feel Guilt
Narcissists don’t feel much guilt or never, though they have done blunder because they think they are always right, and they don’t believe their behaviors really affect anyone else.
But they harbor a lot of shame. Shame is the belief that there is something deeply and permanently wrong or bad about who you are.
Buried in a deeply repressed part of the narcissist are all the insecurities, fears, and rejected traits that he is constantly on guard to hide from everyone, including himself. The narcissist is acutely ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings.
6. Envious of Others and Believe Others are Envious of Them
Narcissists are constantly comparing themselves to others, especially very successful people, which can trigger feelings of envy.
And if they achieve success in their lives, they often (happily) think others are jealous or envious of them, says Newman.
Although the narcissists want to be in control, but they never want to be responsible for the results—unless, of course, everything goes exactly their way and their desired result occurs.
When normal things in both personal and professional way, don’t go according to their plan or they feel criticized or less than perfect, the narcissist places all the blame and responsibility on you.
It has to be always someone else’s fault. Sometimes that blame is generalized—all police, all bosses, all teachers, all Democrats, and so on.
At other times the narcissist picks a particular person or rule to blame—his mother, his partner , his wife or her husband ,the judge, or laws that limit what he wants to do.
You are the safest person to blame, because you are least likely to leave or reject him.
7. Preoccupied with Fantasies of Success and the Perfect-mate
Research showed that narcissists show most importance on physical attractiveness and status than traits like being kind or caring and loving.
This is, in part, because when their partner looks good, it elevates their own self-image.
Narcissists have an extremely high need for everything to be perfect.
They believe that their partners should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it.
This is an excruciatingly impossible demand in our life, which results in the narcissist feeling always dissatisfied and most miserable much of the time. The demand for the perfection can lead the narcissist to complain when they are not satisfied.
8. Great Need for Control
Since the typical narcissists are continually disappointed with the imperfect way that the life unfolds, they always wanted to do as much as possible to control it and mold it to their liking.
They wanted and also demand to be in control, and their sense of entitlement makes it seem logical to them that they should be in control—of everything.
When you don’t behave as expected, they become quite upset and unsettled about you. They don’t know what to expect next, because you’re off script.
They always demand about that you say and do exactly what they have in mind so they can reach their desired conclusion.
You are just a character in their internal play, not a real person with your own thoughts and feelings.
9. Lack of Boundaries
They are a lot like 2-year-old. A grown up in child’s body.
They believe that everything should always belong to them, and also think that everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and everyone wants the same things they do.
They are shocked and highly insulted to be told no. and get raged if they get the word no from others.
10. An Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance
“People with NPD want to be recognized as being superior without the necessary achievements that go along with that,” says Newman.
A narcissist will surely overestimate their abilities. It is nothing wrong when you have self confidence but here where some thing goes wrong.
while they will simultaneously devaluing the contributions of other people, and they may act surprised when they don’t get the praise they feel they deserve.
Often, when they fail in their tasks or if they aren’t achieving success, they find a way always to blame other people or society, but never themselves.
Narcissists have this character of have to be the best, the most right always, and the most competent; do everything their way; own everything; and control everyone.
The narcissist’s personality is be split into either good and bad parts, and they also split everything in their relationships into good and bad. There is nothing in middle of the both.
Any negative thoughts or behaviors are blamed on you or others, whereas they take credit for everything that is positive and good. They deny their negative words and actions while continually accusing you of disapproving.
They also remember things as completely good and wonderful or as bad and horrible. Narcissists aren’t able to see, feel, or remember both the positive and the negative in a situation.
12. Behaves in an Arrogant or Haughty Manner
Ever go on a date or a party with someone and he or she has ordered the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu, and was super sweet and charming to you, and was totally condescending and rude to the server?
Acting like an arrogant rude snob and while complaining about the stupidity of others is another red flag for narcissism.
13. An Inability to be Truly Vulnerable
Because of the narcissist’s inability to understand feelings, their lack of empathy, and constant need for self-protection, narcissists can’t truly love or connect emotionally with other people. They cannot look at the world from anyone else’s perspective.it can any one of the family even parents or spouse.
They’re essentially emotionally blind and alone. This makes them emotionally needy.
When one relationship is no longer satisfying, they often overlap relationships or start a new one as soon as possible. That does not mean that they care about their new relationship.
They desperately want someone to feel their pain, to sympathize with them, and make everything just as they want it to be. But they have little ability to respond to your pain or fear or even your day-to-day need for care and sympathy.
14. A Sense of Entitlement
“A big sense of entitlement,” says Newman.
Narcissists often don’t believe that the rules that others have to follow are not applied to them.
This can project outside like itself as being disrespectful to people who warrant a lot of respect, like authority figures or national heroes.
They’re also the type of people who will make you bend over backwards to accommodate them and then act totally unappreciative.
“You could plan an entire event around this one person’s schedule and then they might not even show up,” says Newman. “It doesn’t even occur to them that they just pissed everyone off.”
15. You Find Yourself Resorting to Flattery just to Maintain the Peace with a Narcissist.
While the best way to deal with a narcissist is to just cut the cord and run, there are certain circumstances where you have no choice but to deal.
Maybe the narcissist is a family member, or maybe it’s your boss. In these cases, flattery is the best way to avoid conflict. (source)
16. Believes they’re Special or Unique
It’s okay to think you’re a little special in some ways.
But narcissistic people take it to an extreme level, and believing they’re so special that they feel others are of no way beside them.
Kind of disgusting, right?
That’s why they seek to surround themselves with only the best. This even extends to the doctors they see. “When they come in for some type of therapy, they’re very specific about only being seen by the best person,” says Newman.
“They don’t want just any therapist, they do not want a student, they want the best person. And they’re adamant about it.”
17. Takes Advantage of Others
A narcissist’s sense of entitlement combined with their lack of empathy makes them ripe for taking advantage of people for their own benefit. This is one reason people with NPD can be terrible to work for, says Newman.
If you have some one around you like a narcissistic boss, they may work you into the ground without giving you the respect or compensation you deserve.
It can be true or applicable with friendships with narcists, too.(source)
For more articles click below :
29 Ways To Make Relationship Work|Scientifically Proven
Past Trauma Affects In Your Relationships
How To Improve Mental Health and Mood
What are the Benefits of Music on persons health
B-Complex Can Treat Panic Attacks and Anxiety