It is common that we fight with our close ones and you know how it would feel when you can sense a fight coming on with your partner? and you may also doubt is arguing healthy for a relationship?
But the analysis made by few experts show it quite opposite according to relationship experts , they say that as long as you know what you’re really fighting about. Fighting is so good because your relationship is about growing and becoming the very best person you can become. Fights are one of your best tools for learning but one has to know how to fight right in a relationship.
Few common fights — and what they really say about your relationship.
Constant Blaming At Each Other
This can be the cause of over expectations and when your opposite half don’t meet your level , this can lead into a huge fight.
If you find yourselves blaming each other for who have ruined the vacation or whose fault that the party Is late , then these can be few examples of over expectations.
You’ve got to break this belief that your partner’s supposed to make you happy. You probably have some fairytale-type expectations.
Instead of just assigning blame in arguments, take couple of minutes or hours time to figure out about what you’re so upset about, what went wrong, and how to change it now and in the future.
Fight Over Chores
This is the most common ways that couple lade into trouble and fight. Few factors come into play like discipline etc.
You feel like your partner never does the dishes, or he’s constantly leaving the toilet set up.
According to a 2007 Pew Research poll, sharing household chores is the third most important factor in a successful marriage.
This is often the way power-and-control struggles play out in a relationship: trying to get dominance.
So instead of fighting over the toilets and dishes, talk about needing to feel valued and ask for help.
Don’t worry to much that this can ruin your relationship .Research has shown that in the first 10 years of a relationship, power and control and conflict have been proven to be foundational to the best relationships long-term. And you get to be a better team.
Finance Issues And Disparities
Fights over finances can be of different levels. This is due to whole lot of idea difference in each other.
For example maybe one partner is a lavish spender and the other is more frugal, or being short on funds puts a constant strain on the relationship.
Insecurity about money means uncertainty about your relationship. Money symbolizes so many things, It symbolizes power and love. People think, ‘If we have enough money, we have enough love.’ It’s very primal. Having resources makes us feel safe and secure.The thought of any scarcity can really trigger some really deep primal fights for couples.
The best way is to sit together and keep record of daily finances and budgeting and even investing to get financial independence together. This can be achieve by way of talk and explaining to the significant other.
Vent Your Anger In Other Ways
Doing a silent treatment and making passive-aggressive jabs, or keeping frustration pent up inside isn’t going to fix whatever is bothering you.
If you’re not willing to let this stuff out from your mind, you’re not willing to have the intimacy that you could have in the relationship. It’s really a lack of investment.
This type can be quite dangerous because it allows couples to think they’re succeeding for lots of years but they are not.
The fact is that good relationships are worth fighting for — literally — so speak up and get a solution. It may take hours or days but try to fix it rather than avoiding with silence.
Both Have Different Sexual Expectations
This is quite obvious ways that couple can land into fights. Though the fights may rare but they do happen just about sexual intimacy, the medical professionals explain.
But these destructive disagreements can often undermine both partners’ self-confidence.
You’re trying to meet too many needs with sex. Ideally, you’re feeling already close and sex is your way to express that instead of using that to get close. This is a sensitive another area where it’s up to you to ask for what you need.
You Wish He Just Know How To Make You Feel Special
This fights can be especially in various special occasions like the Valentine’s Day classic.
It would be like If he really loved me, he’d know what to buy me or to take me to the right restaurant and again and again pointing to unrealistic expectations.
Being in a relationship does not mean that someone have to read your mind correctly always or many times.
It’s saying what it is you need and want, allowing your partner to know what your yearnings are, what you desire, what pleases you, to really be able to share that. But so many women think, ‘Well if I have to tell him, it doesn’t count.’ Yes it does! It so does!’
The Criticism Has To Come From A Good Place
Giving you a good example some days, your partner’s loud chewing is enough to make your head explode.
But the doctors say that it’s okay to point out a partner’s annoying habits. If his chewing really that annoying and bad, then, chances are, it’s irritating his colleagues, too. But the criticism has to come from a good place.
It is not bad to give him a feedback , not that it is about pointing his bads always.If you have a vision for the way you want him to be seen in the world, for him to be that respected, wonderful man you see him as, then you have a responsibility to give him that feedback so that he can change his ways.
If you’re nitpicking every little and small thing about your partner, then the chances are there’s something that is bigger bothering you, and you need to lay off them and figure out the real issue.
You May Feel That You Are Less Interesting
Social medias can be some times one of the reason for the major issues.it’s really addictive, especially constant social-media checking and obsessive TV-watching.
These things are a way to not engage. Everyone has them, but they can be destructive to relationships.
Why? Because they detract from intimacy and numb feelings.
The doctors say that these distractions can also be an indication that you’re avoiding something.
If you have a lot of work to do? Yeah. But you also had a fight that morning and you are in no hurry to get home,!!
Chances are we’re not planning well in those things . Perhaps it’s worth scheduling a device-free dinner to talk things out.
“I Told You So”
If your partner is wrong about something, and your very first instinct is to throw a big “I told you so!” in his face, that’s not good.
If you’re really affirmed by your partner, you don’t need to rub things in their face like that. Infact these types of fights can build walls in between partners, so lose the sarcasm and have an honest conversation.
Fighting About How He “Always” or “Never” Does Something
These sort of words are really tempting to talk in absolutes like this, but it’s probably pretty rare that your partner always or never does a particular thing.
The minute we put the words always or never into the fight, it’s easy to denigrate into versions of first-grade-type fights of ‘I do not,’ ‘You do too.’.
It is always good to keep good notice on our words, especially when comes to arguments. Words once spoken out cannot be taken back !
You’re Telling White Lies
If you’re keeping big secrets. Either way, fights that involve lies or broken promises can be a big problem — even if they’re not about huge deceptions, like affairs.
Couples tend to manage each other,They’ll present something in a certain way. Or say, ‘I’ll wait until he’s in a good mood,’ or ‘I’ll only tell him this part.’ You haven’t built up a sense of trust or an agreement that you’re really going to be partners. Best friends tell each other everything.
When it comes to untruths big and small, it’s important to face them, because they can have lasting effects.
You’re Just Like Your Mother
There are few sensitive statements that one has to resist from telling. Yes we all have things in common with our parents, but that can often be a touchy subject.
And when a partner points similarities out in a fight, it’s usually not said as a compliment.
It shows that you’re not really able to talk more deeply about what it is you really need, want, and feel. It’s like throwing a bomb rather than really letting the other person know the details.
Instead, ask yourself — or your partner — what’s the real issue at hand? rather than comparing each other with the relatives.
You Expect Him To Be The Same As When You Were Dating
Change in a relationship can be a great thing. But if one partner feels like they’re being left in the dust, they can feel betrayed or distanced.
When someone starts to grow and change and their partner is threatened, the person decides not to grow anymore and can become afraid of the change themselves.
The happiest and healthiest relationships are the ones where you bring more back into the relationship and the key is to support each other’s efforts to learn and grow.
You’re Often Embarrassed In Public
When your partner blurts out something you really wish he hadn’t, there are a lot of different ways to deal with it.
You can either ask him about the issue or the comment later in private, or you could accuse him of humiliating you on purpose. Bob says that when the latter becomes the norm, a couple has stopped empowering each other.
It’s not that you shouldn’t be able to talk about stuff, but certain couples use it to put their partner down, in order to one up. That’s is very degrading and bad on their part
If something is bothering you, say it to each other and don’t use the public to make the point.
You Always Side With Your Parents
There are people who consulted with her parents before any major decisions — often calling them before giving her husband the latest news. This is a sign of immaturity, the doctors say.
It’s very good time to stop defining yourself as your parents’ child. It means both of you really growing up and claiming, It should be like this is my woman; this is my man; we are a family.
That’s where the bond needs to be. It doesn’t mean you can’t visit families, but you have to decide your own values.That’s what builds the relationship.”
As it turns out, one small study, published 2013 in the journal Couple and Family Psychology, found that substance abuse was a common “final straw” in the decision to get divorced
There are various ways that one can deal with the substance abuse . The therapy and the treatment depends on each persons addiction and mental levels. Consult a medical professional to get the various treatments that the person might be needing since it is not always possible by dealing alone with the partner who is addicted .
Parenting Can Be A Reason
It is not uncommon for the couple to fight when coming to parenting. It is quite crucial to discus between each other before becoming parents whether they can manage the responsibilities of becoming parents and deal with their growing child both behaviorally and financially.
Most fights happens when one parent is strict then the other and it is crucial to communicate about how to change, how to compromise and how to get the best out of the situation.
Long-term committed relationships are hard.
There are massive benefits to them, of course, but it’s challenging to live with someone day in, day out.
You’ve got to cooperate, negotiate, communicate, and connect every single day if you want to keep the relationship thriving especially when adding the kids and professional life together.
These are few solutions of the couple who struggle with regular arguments. if things go worst it is always better to consult a counselor or a medical professional to get the solutions.
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