It is true that— parenting is hard and sometimes hell for few. Every parent should know that the Mistakes are inevitable. Luckily, most of the parents can be fixed with time and attention.
Here are some parenting mistakes that one has to keep a note of especially if you are a parent since they have a deeper impact on our kids than others, and so it’s worth learning about how to shift our behavior as soon as possible.
After doing a lot of research here is what the experts believe abut the most common parenting mistakes
1# Failing to prove proper discipline
Sometimes the situations come that you’re just not in the mood to discipline your child and the reasons can be many like You may be tired or you may feel like you’ve already corrected your kid so many times it’s falling on deaf ears.
But it’s very important to take sufficient time and energy for discipline, even when it’s the last thing you want to do.
Parents want some peace and harmony and don’t want to be fighting and disciplining all the time, but they don’t know another way to avoid power struggles. Fearing their relentless child, they back off.
You may be temporarily relieved from the situation, but this will backfire in the long run.
This results in children who are running the show, and who are unintentionally given the kind of control they are not emotionally equipped to handle.
They don’t hear ‘no’ and learn that if they push back hard enough, they will get what they want. These children do not learn to self-regulate.”
So stick to your guns, and take the time to discipline your kid compassionately and firmly when they need it.
2# Trying to Over control your child
This is the most common mistake that most parents do while they need to be consistent with discipline.
it’s important not to go too far in the other direction and try to control your kids, as it will lead to them acting out later on.
yes, Control is a mistake because eventually in order for a person to be free they must rebel.
In the short-term children may submit and it is easier for the parent. However, the child is not learning to make decisions for themselves.
When you try to over-control your child, you’re also missing an opportunity to teach them they can trust you.
The first mistake is believing you have control over your kids. If you’ve ever tried to force kids, you get frustrated and cause out of control behavior from kids.
3# Talking Negative About Your Child
This is one of the worst things you can do is to give your child a negative label, because they may carry it with them for the rest of their life.
Kids are like a blank paper and what you write on that you can read. Doing negative labeling can internalize what they’re told about themselves. What parents say becomes their internal template, the voice they hear inside their head — often for their whole lives.
If your kid is doing something that drives you crazy, instead of making a comment about them as a person, Focus on the behavior that’s the problem.
On the flip side, do give your child positive labels when your child displays traits you want to encourage. You’re a kind person. You’re so persistent.
When you put your mind to it, you can figure anything out. These are traits you want your child to perceive as an inherent part of himself.
4# Avoiding the Flowers and the bees
It may be very uncomfortable for most of the parents to talk to your children about sex, but it’s better for you to address it than to have your kids learn about it elsewhere.
When kids ask something about sex, say, ‘What does sex mean?’ or ‘How did the baby get in there?’ parents may panic and avoid the question. That gets you off the hook for the moment, but it has unhelpful fallout.
When Your child doesn’t get the information she needs. More importantly, she learns that she can’t turn to you when she has those sorts of questions.
She’ll seek information from peers and the internet and you know how unreliable those can be. Even worse, she may come to feel that there’s something wrong with her for even asking. That creates shame around sexuality that can last her whole life.
so It’s much better to take a deep breath and answer questions about bodies and sex whenever they come up, just like you’d answer questions about anything else.
Children are capable of hearing the basics about anatomy and reproduction even at an early age. They’re just facts about the world, like everything else kids are trying to take in. which will be a huge help when kids approach puberty and the teen years.
5# Not being consistent with your expectations
Children thrive with limits and boundaries. Inconsistency teaches them that their parents’ words are essentially meaningless.
Consistency with boundaries is also paramount. The same is true for boundaries that are set, but not enforced. Unless parents are 100% committed to enforcing them, it’s better not to set the boundary at all. Set a boundary for something on which you can follow through.
6# Not Giving An Ear To Your child
This is one of the very important things that when you are listening to your child, you know what exactly he needs.
When you listen to your child, are you truly listening, or are you trying to find something to fix or solve?
Creating a trusting relationship begins with truly listening to your child. The relationship is the basis for cooperation, respect, problem-solving and responsibility. When parents only listen to respond (to fix, critique, teach, and solve), their child knows that he is not truly being heard and will shut down.
Careful listening, acknowledging feelings, and allowing children to vent, allows them to process their emotions, and to develop a healthy attachment.
7# Not empathizing with your child
When a tough situation comes up, one of the most powerful things you can do is to take time to empathize before you react.
Before you interact with your child, put yourself in their shoes. If they are crying and upset, frustrated or angry — they aren’t trying to make your life harder. They are having a really rough time and they don’t have the skills to know how to cope with it.
8# Making punishment as your main form of discipline
Yes, it is true that discipline is must but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to punish them.
We have mistakenly equated punishment with discipline. As a result parents are more focused on looking for and punishing misbehavior rather than giving children the tools they need to develop self-control.
The focus of discipline shouldn’t be getting your child to do what you want, but instead, helping them regulate their own behavior.
Teaching kids Self-control is about learning to recognize the rules and choosing to obey them because it is the right thing to do.
It is about choosing the right behavior because it is right. Parents who focus more on punishing bad behavior rather than encouraging children to stop, think, and make a choice, force children to instead look at the world and what they do base on whether or not this will get them into trouble.
This won’t help you out now, and your children won’t develop the skills they need later, either.
In the short-term, it causes fear and uncertainty in children. In the long-term, it teaches kids to look at life in terms of what they can get away with.
9# Not showing kids how to do them
Kids are very perceptive, and they will know if you are “walking your talk” or not. If you tell your kids to do something, you’d better be doing it as well, and vice-versa.
According to brain development experts, children will retain 85 percent of what they observe their parents doing and only 15 percent of what they say as they enter adulthood.
Children are keen observers and spend most of their time not only watching but also figuring out what to do and not do based on what they see.
They interact with the world based on what they see. In the short-term, children will use what they see to figure out and interpret how the world works.
In the long-term, they may stumble and have a hard time if what they observed is either detrimental or extremely different than most folks’ reality.
10# Constantly Comparing Her with Others
This is something that every parent have to avoid as that can have an adverse effect on the child. It is common when a child starts school, that her grades are compared with that of her classmates.
It is important to note that constantly telling her how others are better than he won’t change her grades. On the contrary, it will affect her self-confidence.
It would be ideal to sit with her and help her figure out the reason why she is not able to perform or if there is any other matter bothering her.
11# Trying too Hard to Raise a Perfect Child
This is one of the most common parenting mistakes in first-time parents. In order to ensure that they raise the perfect child, they become too hard on her.
They lay down strict rules, push them to behave in a certain manner and constantly keep them in check. Such an attitude will only distance the child and weaken the parent-child bond.
Parents should remember that it is important to chalk out certain guidelines, but they should be made flexible enough based on the child’s response.
12# Telling Her that She is Always Right
Pampering is something that every parent does, but too much of it can be a bad thing. Making your child think that she is always right may make her over-confident.
Children should know their mistakes and also be aware of the fact that their actions affect other people. Hiding your child’s mistakes will encourage her to do bigger mistakes in the future. The child should know where she is wrong and learn to own up to her mistakes.
13# Ignoring Her School Life
Understand that the child spends most of his day in school, so she has many experiences there (good or bad). It is, therefore, important for parents to know what is happening in school.
Children should not feel that their parents completely ignore their school life. This will also encourage her to discuss anything that is bothering her in school or if she is being abused or bullied by someone.
14# Raising Her to Become What You Wanted to Be
It is a common tendency that parents force their desires on their kids; especially when it comes to careers or some extra-curricular activity.
Parents should realize that each child is different and may excel in differing fields. It is crucial to act on this aspect of problems in parenting; hence, the right thing to do is let her follow her dreams, while you support her in his endeavours.
15# Fighting With Your Partner in Front of the Kid
Always remember that the idea of relationship in a kid’s mind develops at his home. Constant fighting between you and your partner may affect her mental health, and may also lead her to follow the same aggressive behavior in the coming years.
Parenting comes fraught with challenges and difficult situations. It also comes with plenty of rewards and wonderful moments. Just keep a note of these common parenting mistakes and you’re good!
Parents should remember what kind of person you want their child to be 15 years from now.
Once they’ve done that, “Then ask yourself if what you are about to do or say is contributing to that vision. If not, it’s time to rethink your approach.
Give your child what he needs, not what feels easier or makes you feel better. Kids learn emotional self-regulation from having it modeled for them and developing language that helps them understand their experiences.
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