What is Non Attachment ?
- Non-attachment or the internal feel to release from desire. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines non-attachment as “lack of attachment .” Non-attachment was first used as an English word in this sense in 1902, but its origins go way back to ancient Eastern thought.
Non-attachment is just a state of being, and it is important for a healthy functioning relationship.
This has been spoken in many religions such as Taoism, Hinduism, Jainism, and the Bahá’í Faith.
In one of the three pillars of Jainism it has been mentioned :
He who is attached to things will suffer much.
Non-attachment is not that being about being emotionally dead brick wall, instead, of learning how to let go of the thoughts and emotions that create suffering.
Non-attachment means not being so prejudiced, not being dependent. With this state of mind, the person can look onto all sides of a situation or a relationship in a completely unbiased manner.
Once we realize and stop being so attached to our thoughts, we experience tremendous inner peace, and sense of joyful well-being.
So how do we let go of our thoughts and emotions?
We must learn to observe ourselves and disentangle our thoughts through the practices such as mindful awareness, meditation, and self-inquiry.
When we allow our life to unfold naturally without being attached to worldly things like outcomes, beliefs, feelings or opinions, then we experience true non-attachment.
Benefits of Non-Attachment
- You will stop being controlled by your negative emotions.
- You won’t be anxious about the outcome, meaning that you’ll be free from the dread, anxiety, and inner tension that comes with clinging to expectations
- You’ll be more curious, open, and spontaneous
- You’ll be more peaceful and less neurotic, and your relationships and friendships will drastically improve
- You’ll be more resilient in the face of loss because you’re not attached too much and realize that all things are ephemeral
- You’ll feel a great sense of freedom since you’re no longer a slave to the mind
- You’ll feel a sense of wholeness and completeness because you don’t need or want anything in particular through expectations.
- You’ll feel more love for yourself and others because you’re no longer attached to beliefs and expectations about who you “should” be or what “shouldn’t” happen
- You’ll experience more synchronicity as life unfolds effortlessly and naturally
- Your mind will become much more clearer and you’ll be able to perceive the truth more easily
- You’ll feel gratitude, compassion, love and happiness and you would permeate your life as you have let go of the need to chase happiness.
The Mistake of Attaching to Non-Attachment
The whole point of becoming non-attachment is to begin paying attention to your thoughts.
What can occupy your mind all day? What drives you? In what ways are you seeking the happiness from the external world rather than the internal world in you.
Non-attachment is a concept that helps us to explore what is happening within us
How to Stop yourself from being Attached to Thoughts, Feelings etc
Non-attachment is usually the byproduct of few practices such as
Here are some useful ways to begin your practice:
1. Stop looking for happiness in external things around you
When we chase the happiness by believing that someone or something outside of ourselves can make us happy, we will ultimately suffer.
In fact, the pursuing the happiness is the greatest form of attachment there is in society. Instead, of doing that try to direct your thought and attention inwards.
At first, seeking happiness from external is extremely difficult as we’ve been conditioned to find happiness in things like material, accomplishments, titles, and people.
2. Let go of the “should’s” and “musts”
Expectations are the mental attachments, that can come in word form like these two words,
for example, “He should be nicer,” “I must achieve this or I will be a failure,”
Pay attention to the use of these two words and how they reflect in your behavior.
You are wrong if you believe that something “should” happen or someone “must” be a certain way? Let it go.
You cannot change people. Allow life to flow without imposing useless expectations onto it.
3. Practice allowing
Allowing is about permitting the life to be just as it is. Allow your thoughts. Allow your emotions. Allow things to not go the way you expected.
By allowing the life to happen as it is, you stop resisting and suffering ceases.
4. Learn to observe your thoughts and feelings
The most easiest way to observe your thoughts and feelings is through a regular daily meditation practice.
The more you incorporate thought-awareness into your life, the more readily you’ll see how irrelevant many thoughts are.(source)
5.Unconditional Love Finds Its Way
It may sound very impossible but ‘non-attachment’ shows you the way to love unconditionally.
You can love someone unconditionally because you are no longer bothered about what you will get in return.
6. Love Emanates From Within
In this way it will let you discover the actual source of happiness that lies within you.
But, we are used to the thinking that we are capable of loving because someone else brought us to this state of happiness. This belief makes us dependent on others for our happiness.
But, when we understand that the source of love lies within us, we love others sans the fear that one we love might leave us one day.
Such love is constant and unchanging, and even the death of a loved one doesn’t deprive us of it.
If we can practice’ non-attachment’ we can very well master the most powerful tool that will allow us to feel and give unconditional love and be emotionally strong.(source)
you can practice Non-attachment and still feel love, passion, interest, and excitement.
7. Know difference between indifference and non attachment
The main difference between the two words is that indifference means you don’t care about anyone or anything. When you practice non-attachment, the world around you still matters.
Yet, you’re willing to let the things come into your life and go out of your life without trying to hold onto them.
8. Downsides To Non-Attachment
Non-attachment can be a difficult thing to learn, especially if you grew up in an environment where accumulating things was a high priority.
Letting go may be one of the hardest things, you’ve ever attempted, but when it happens, you feel free.
The only real downside of non-attachment might be if you tried to practice it without a clear understanding of it. For example, if you felt that is attached to your own life was wrong, you might think you shouldn’t value your life. You might do reckless things or even contemplate suicide because you think it will bring you closer to enlightenment. It won’t. If you begin to think that way, you need emergency treatment.
Once you understand the true meaning of attachment, you realize that you don’t have to push things away. You see that you can let go when something is no longer necessary without rushing towards the loss.
9. Practice Non-Attachment In Romantic Love
Non-Attachment doesn’t mean that you have to stop your romantic love.
but the fact is , practicing non-attachment can make your relationships better.
I am not saying to stop loving your partner, Love your partner, certainly.
Feel the joy and connected-ness you have with them.
But love them in a way that always leaves room for them to feel free to choose their own thoughts and actions. Then, choose the thoughts and behaviors that are right for you.
This attitude of each person being free to follow their own path can help you avoid developing a codependent relationship in which you try to control each other.
10. Focus On What You Enjoy
When something distressing happens, you’re usually get distressed because things don’t meet your expectations.
you probably become extremely upset, anxious, or depressed.
Yet, it wouldn’t have to be that way at all. A more realistic and beneficial attitude would be to accept things the way they are.
When you let that go, you can enjoy what is.
11. Practice Non-Attachment In Parental Love
Parents have to walk a fine line with their children. Their children need help to meet their needs.
That’s why parents can be cited for neglect when they don’t take care of them properly.
Yet, at the same time, children need to gain their independence, because they won’t be children forever.
When you practice Non-Attachment in parenting, you tend to your child’s needs without demanding something of them in return.
You allow them to explore their world as much as they safely can, given the level of maturity they have at the moment.
You teach them without demanding that they agree with you on everything. Your child feels accepted and free to follow their own life path.
12. Accept Responsibility For Your Own Happiness
Non-attachment naturally leads to accepting responsibility for your own happiness.
As you let go of trying to control others, you finally realize that no one can reliably make you happy but you.
The fact that others can’t always make you happy doesn’t mean others don’t care for you.
It only means that you’re the one who’s in the best position to know what it takes for you to be truly happy and has the power to do that every time you realize you aren’t happy.
The idea of letting go or non attachment can seem scary. You may feel like you’re letting go of your control. The truth is that you’re enhancing your personal power and gaining control over your life. The process can go more smoothly, though, if you have a guide to help you along the way.
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